I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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