Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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