I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
