At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
