got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
