Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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