I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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