I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
whose parrot is this?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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