Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
