this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
