um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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