I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
