Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
