tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
