i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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