"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
