Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
