I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
