i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
