he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
