Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
