nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
