in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
And then he peed in my hair
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