I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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