Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
