I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
