did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
