It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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