Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
