He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
