I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
