Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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