Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
