i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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