You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
