Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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