I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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