The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
