Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
