How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
