I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
