I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
