I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
