My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
