u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
