He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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