so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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