Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
