I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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