Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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