bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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