life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
