She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
