I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
