My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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