Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
