i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
