i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
