I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
