We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
