the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
